ch-ch-ch-changes

things are changing. i can feel it in the air. spring is definately on its way and soon the changes will happen full force.

it comes from looking at myself and not being unhappy, but not being completely satisfied that my personality is showing. i'm starting to care more about my appearance again, although i'm not sure why. i'm also trying to revive my social life. i find that i can be social but most often i choose not to and just observe. someone important in my life would probably not recognize me based on my actions with a crowd of people. i dont know if i've always been this observant, i feel like i was always the center of attention.

being the center of attention is not difficult. i did it best when i knew everyone or most people around me. but now i have one person who devotes days at a time to thinking about me and needing everyone else to look at me is...well, less of a priority. but it's fun. i liked being flirty and fun, having people text me all the time, having over 8 IM boxes going at once, all from boys. maybe since the senior class is gone things have changed.

i can think of maybe five people who i've completely stopped talking to. some moved away to pursue higher education, some always were far away, some got into relationships. but...how do i get these friendships back? i always take the initiative. i've gotten kind of lazy i guess. it takes two to keep a friendship going and i havent kept up my end of the deal...

goddamn. i need to call some people. i feel like since the summer of last year to that fall i just didn't appear to everyone as the same person. and it sucks... like...god. i miss my friends.