come on and play with us

i feel like people are calling me from outside my window to come out and play. i want to go out and play but i can't...i'm not allowed out!

i love listening to jazz and having my back rubbed and being so close to someone i can hear their heartbeat. god. how intimate it is listening to someone's heart thump thump thump. you've gotten through that physical boundary. you're in their bubble. and they trust you. so much comes down to trust, whether it be blind and oblivious, or intentionally tearing down the walls. it's trust. you can't sell trust you can't buy it, it has to be earned. i can't decide whether people are giving up trust to early or not. i love earning it and being held, i just as vunerable as they.

the simplest things have given me pleasure lately. and the complex things are difficult and just so easy to ignore...to put off until another day...

such a tease. except to the one that came back. i fell so hard and so quick for that one that it was he who teased me...i like being tricky but only if it's in good fun, i'd cry if i actually hurt someone.